Yo so i started taking Zoloft and im reading back over these journal entries like



SERIOUSLY, MY REAL FEELINGS ABOUT THE CHEMICAL: it's going better than i'd feared but not as well as i'd hoped. but it's also been like, less than a week. im still really tired. i havent gotten anything done since like, the last time i thought about doing stuff so :/

 please notice this bug. its adorable AND I HIKED A VERY LONG WAY TO SEE IT SO PLEASE APPRECIATE MY EFFORTS!!!

thanks

 i did some chores today..........thats about it!!!!! then i got super drunk and owned @ splatfest. im still very drunk. thanks everybody!!!!!!!!!!!

 intake was.............good.............. we talked about the important things i think. i guess. i was short on time but im seeing the same therapist later. its ok. whats not ok: the highway was CLOSED and the detour was the ROUTE I TAKE TO GET HOME AND THE ROAD!!!! GOD!!!!! THEY DIDNT HAVE A TRAFFIC COP AT THIS INTERSECTION AND IT WAS AWFUL!!! I WAS THERE FOR LIKE 30 MINUTES. ON THIS ONE ROAD. I HAD TO CRY ABOUT IT WHEN I FINALLY GOT HOME. I JUST WANTED TO GO HOME

finally home after a hellish week-long family vacation. we went to portland to visit my brother, but i had no clue that just the knowledge that i was in the same city as the 1 person i hate the most on earth would trigger ptsd flashbacks and anxiety. and i had a lot of time to be anxious since the trip was mainly "drive an hour or so to some mountain trail, hike in silence while dissociating, go find a place to eat and drink beers every lunch and dinner." lunch and dinner were also mostly in silence. luv my fam.

besides the ptsd the second most annoying part of the vacation was that we did too much stuff, constantly. my body never recovered from the first day when we walked around downtown for hours, probably totaling 9 or more miles. it felt basically like the one other time i walked for hours, again totaling 9 miles. hey: dont walk 9 miles. i think my parents hiked like every day while i got progressively more tired sad and withdrawn. it wasnt just too many activities either. eating delicious restaurant food 2x a day threw my body out of whack. no more details than that. 

on the bright side, the public transport in portland is really good. i got a $5 day pass and took a trip across the river into washington and bought weed, which helped with my anxiety a lot. i shared it with my sister... hey, i just remembered she didnt pay me back. even though the public transport is good, i would never live in portland. there's too many people living there already, and real estate prices are too high. traffic and parking are really bad there.