cockatrix: (Default)
Yo so i started taking Zoloft and im reading back over these journal entries like



SERIOUSLY, MY REAL FEELINGS ABOUT THE CHEMICAL: it's going better than i'd feared but not as well as i'd hoped. but it's also been like, less than a week. im still really tired. i havent gotten anything done since like, the last time i thought about doing stuff so :/
cockatrix: (Default)
 1. I'm planning a road trip of Florida. Maybe several. I know I wanna hit Tamiami Trail thru the everglades, the keys, lake okeechobee, silver springs (apparently there's monkeys here), arcadia, and a few others. i've got a huge road atlas; i ought to pull that out and find some points of interest. then there's also my guide to florida cryptids, so i can visit places where ppl have seen the skunk ape and see if i can get a pic. i'll probably have to do some camping cause i dont wanna spend money on motel rooms lol

2. im not going to school this semester cause my mood spiralled the week before classes started and i dropped all my classes again. plus moms got this new idea for me to get a degree in sonogram tech, another 2 years of heavy studying, instead of finishing my damn AA which has like 1 or 2 semesters left to go. and as usual i need several months to plan and make decisions about literally anything. she also wants me to get a job which is really great when your ID isnt up to date and you have a fucking criminal record. i cant even get my anxious ass medicated until october

3. ive got to look into gym memberships oorrrr something. actually, lately ive really been wanting to act. ive seen a theatre in town but i dunno if you just waltz in and audition or what. do you need to choose your own monologue to do. maybe they have classes
cockatrix: (Default)
 been reading lately powerbeforewisdom.com. id kinda forgotten how much i liked reading about magic. the name of the website is like, how did you know how to appeal to me specifically?? i guess since really getting into tumblr i forgot about how to browse the web normally and my only exposure to magic was like, secondhand exposure to twee wicca. NOT MY KIND OF THING. any way i like to live life dangerously im 21 years old which means im invincible. 

also, last night i logged 12 oz of vodka into my calorie counter app, which is incredible,

well.....

Aug. 8th, 2015 02:38 am
cockatrix: (Default)
 i did some chores today..........thats about it!!!!! then i got super drunk and owned @ splatfest. im still very drunk. thanks everybody!!!!!!!!!!!
cockatrix: (Default)
i picked up my dad at the airport and we had dinner. u ever been to bahama breeze? they're not bad. the weather was perfect, though. ~a beautiful day on the bay~

then i went home and played the splatoon update. good shit!

ok

Aug. 5th, 2015 04:35 am
cockatrix: (Default)
 intake was.............good.............. we talked about the important things i think. i guess. i was short on time but im seeing the same therapist later. its ok. whats not ok: the highway was CLOSED and the detour was the ROUTE I TAKE TO GET HOME AND THE ROAD!!!! GOD!!!!! THEY DIDNT HAVE A TRAFFIC COP AT THIS INTERSECTION AND IT WAS AWFUL!!! I WAS THERE FOR LIKE 30 MINUTES. ON THIS ONE ROAD. I HAD TO CRY ABOUT IT WHEN I FINALLY GOT HOME. I JUST WANTED TO GO HOME

whines

Aug. 4th, 2015 03:36 am
cockatrix: (Default)
 it's late and i've got to be up and about BEFORE the late afternoon since intake walk-ins close at 3pm but... i dont wanna. aaaa
cockatrix: (Default)
 more often lately i've been seeing things moving in my peripheral vision. shadows and ghosts and stuff. today i saw a doorknob jiggle by itself. very exciting. i hope people line up to hear about the minutia of my daily life. more riveting details: im very tired from the flight home, but i didnt wanna fall asleep, but i still wanted to get high, so i only smoked a little weed. applaud now 

im home

Aug. 3rd, 2015 01:57 am
cockatrix: (Default)
finally home after a hellish week-long family vacation. we went to portland to visit my brother, but i had no clue that just the knowledge that i was in the same city as the 1 person i hate the most on earth would trigger ptsd flashbacks and anxiety. and i had a lot of time to be anxious since the trip was mainly "drive an hour or so to some mountain trail, hike in silence while dissociating, go find a place to eat and drink beers every lunch and dinner." lunch and dinner were also mostly in silence. luv my fam.

besides the ptsd the second most annoying part of the vacation was that we did too much stuff, constantly. my body never recovered from the first day when we walked around downtown for hours, probably totaling 9 or more miles. it felt basically like the one other time i walked for hours, again totaling 9 miles. hey: dont walk 9 miles. i think my parents hiked like every day while i got progressively more tired sad and withdrawn. it wasnt just too many activities either. eating delicious restaurant food 2x a day threw my body out of whack. no more details than that. 

on the bright side, the public transport in portland is really good. i got a $5 day pass and took a trip across the river into washington and bought weed, which helped with my anxiety a lot. i shared it with my sister... hey, i just remembered she didnt pay me back. even though the public transport is good, i would never live in portland. there's too many people living there already, and real estate prices are too high. traffic and parking are really bad there.

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