Aug. 3rd, 2015

im home

Aug. 3rd, 2015 01:57 am
cockatrix: (Default)
finally home after a hellish week-long family vacation. we went to portland to visit my brother, but i had no clue that just the knowledge that i was in the same city as the 1 person i hate the most on earth would trigger ptsd flashbacks and anxiety. and i had a lot of time to be anxious since the trip was mainly "drive an hour or so to some mountain trail, hike in silence while dissociating, go find a place to eat and drink beers every lunch and dinner." lunch and dinner were also mostly in silence. luv my fam.

besides the ptsd the second most annoying part of the vacation was that we did too much stuff, constantly. my body never recovered from the first day when we walked around downtown for hours, probably totaling 9 or more miles. it felt basically like the one other time i walked for hours, again totaling 9 miles. hey: dont walk 9 miles. i think my parents hiked like every day while i got progressively more tired sad and withdrawn. it wasnt just too many activities either. eating delicious restaurant food 2x a day threw my body out of whack. no more details than that. 

on the bright side, the public transport in portland is really good. i got a $5 day pass and took a trip across the river into washington and bought weed, which helped with my anxiety a lot. i shared it with my sister... hey, i just remembered she didnt pay me back. even though the public transport is good, i would never live in portland. there's too many people living there already, and real estate prices are too high. traffic and parking are really bad there.
cockatrix: (Default)
 more often lately i've been seeing things moving in my peripheral vision. shadows and ghosts and stuff. today i saw a doorknob jiggle by itself. very exciting. i hope people line up to hear about the minutia of my daily life. more riveting details: im very tired from the flight home, but i didnt wanna fall asleep, but i still wanted to get high, so i only smoked a little weed. applaud now 

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